Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
