If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
