i jhust puked up my retainher.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
