Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
