i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
