As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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