After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
