very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
