i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize