I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
