Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
