Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
