So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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