its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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