i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
