I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
