I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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