Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
