there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
