Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
