I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
