He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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