I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
