I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
