Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
