White coat. Heels.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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