Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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