When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
