The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
