Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
