Three words: puerto rican gang bang
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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