you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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