Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
