You're so nebulous sometimes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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