It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
