it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize