who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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