So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
