i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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