he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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