I CAN MOONWALK!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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