I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
