I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
