i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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