Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
