I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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