i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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