....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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