Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
