Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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