That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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