Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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