wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
