So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
