just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
