The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
