Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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