I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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