I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
