She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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