Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
