you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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