Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize