There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
