It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
