I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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