Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
