you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
