hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
