First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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