i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
