So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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