theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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