He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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