What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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