i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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