In the future we'll all be gay
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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