the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
