I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
