it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
